Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Moody Mommy

I've been compiling this post for a few weeks in my head, but haven't had the chance to put it all down into words in here. I have finally admitted to myself and my family that I need to get some counselling.

I have been having some issues with stress. I know it's normal to have some stress being at home with 2 busy kids and a puppy, but I have recently come to realise that some days I just feel like I can't handle it and that's when I feel alot of anxiety. I'm sure it's a common mommy problem because we're always trying to be everything to everyone.

I have found myself snapping at Ceili and Matt for no reason and I can't even catch myself before I do it which worries me. WhenI get mad like that, I feel like I'm not even myself. My family doesn't deserve to be yelled at which is why I am going to the doctor to be referred to a counsellor. I feel so guilty for doing it and it makes me feel like such a terrible mom.

Part of my issue is exhaustion. When I have had a long night and been up multiple times with Abbey then up early in the morning I definitely have a shorter fuse. I know that I put too many expectations on myself like laundry, dishes, cleaning, taking care of the kids and dog, walking the dog, etc all in one day but if I don't feel accomplished I feel like I'm not doing my "job" since I'm at home with the kids right now. Matt says "are the kids cared for?" when I say "yes" then he says, "well you're doing your job then! The other stuff isn't important" but I guess I like to try and exceed expectations.

I am hoping with someone unbaised to talk to I can spill out all of the feelings and thoughts I have sitting inside my head and start to try to deal with the unnecessary stress so I can start fresh. I want to be the best mommy and wife possible which is why I'm seeking help. I love my girls and husband too much to make them have to live life walking on eggshells.

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